Warning: this post is a trend-of-thought monologue, and may potentially bore you or cause confusion in your head as you try to make sense of my internal verbal vomit.



Why would Caleb want to leave with his mother? Is it because he doesn’t believe he can repair his family any longer? If that is so, something has to HAPPEN to make him realise that. Does he finally get tired of helping his father? But given how loyal he is to him, it is an unlikely explanation. Caleb is not one to complain. He doesn’t resent the fact that he is helping his father hide from the law; he just doesn’t want him to get into more trouble than he already is in.



So. WHY WOULD CALEB DECIDE TO LEAVE? If I can’t give a strong explanation for this, not only will my story not stand, I won’t be able to move on.



The only question I can think of asking right now is, what does Caleb want? What is his motivation? Kristen wants permanence; she fears abandonment. So does Caleb, in a way. He is afraid of being left behind; he is afraid of … irresponsibility, maybe? If that is so, then that’s a new character trait of his that I’ve never established before. Okay. Then I’ll have to SHOW that he’s responsible. How? By the way he looks after Oliver. Yes. Okay, now that that’s established (man, I have a hell lot of revision to do), let’s now look at the way Caleb views his family. We know Reilly sees her family as screwed up, but her loyalties lie unswervingly (is that a word?) with her father, Jade with her mother. Caleb is just trying to protect his mother and help to hold the family together (a distinctly masculine trait, protect and perform – to take the place of his absent father, maybe?). So I also have to show that the family right now, with Gabriel, is not ideal, not the one that the kids are happy in. How? What I’ve shown so far is that they’re both workaholics, too busy to spend time with their kids. They are only politely detached with each other, but the workaholic idea is a little cliched, no?



Oh, by the way, should I make Kristen less weepy? Because Khrish just told me she found her a little too emotional. Which is true. I’d been afraid she’d come off like that, too self-absorbed and unwilling to move on and just too content to stew in her head, replaying her boyfriend’s death over and over again. Maybe I should make her a detached and stony individual when she first arrives at Wroughton. I’ve done the detached thing, but I mentioned that she kept crying after Blake died. Maybe I should make her repress her emotions, empty her out, so that everything only comes out at night. Then I can build up dramatic tension to the climax where Kristen finally allows herself to let go (ie, scene at the craft fair with Caleb).



Back to Caleb. What happens to make him want to leave? I don’t think I want it to be Gareth this time. He’s done too much; too much is centred around and stemmed from him. Let other characters come into play. I’ve been wondering if I’ve created too little characters. In Lilies, there were more characters, more distinct voices, that made the story more interesting (if I may say so myself). Who, though, in Moonlight? WHO?? What makes him realise that leaving Wroughton (and Kristen) is the best option? Why would he want to leave with his mother and Gabriel? Arrrgh, Joyce! Think!



Dammit. I need to lie down.



I just realised what exactly it is that makes me so sad about writing (despite the joy it gives me): I have no-one to share it with.

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