This past week has been busybusybusy. I hate how this semester’s turning out. ‘Hate’ is not a word I normally use, but come on, I’m only a sophomore who has no clue what I’m going to be after I graduate. Is there a need for all these academic demands?
Never mind. It’s just five and a half more weeks to go before the exams. And then everything will be over. After the two presentations next week, things will hopefully die down. I’ve said this before, but I’ll say this again: projects are a bitch.
Okay. That’s probably enough negativity for a night. I’m actually supposed to be working on my readings while simultaneously drawing up my research proposal for my bilingualism module, but yes I’m here blogging and I’m also reading Wu Chun’s blog and scouring for pictures of Jiro (at last count, I have 328 pictures of him in my file) on Facebook. Multitasking is good for your brain, says I.
It seems like my days are counted down according to deadlines and presentations these days. Man, I’ll be glad when this semester’s over!
Gerlynn and the rest have started their first semester in uni too, and while YL’s practically AWOL these days, being completely tied up with school activities, Gerlynn’s beginning to experience the onset of disillusionment brought about by being an undergrad. As I had and still am experiencing. I don’t know what it is about being in university that makes us feel this way. To see everyone slogging their guts out to get a 4.0 CAP or higher, participating so actively in class, passionately involved in discussions, etc, I can’t help but take a step back and wonder if I can ever be like them, or if I even want to. I don’t really get the point of all this. I don’t know if I can be that impassioned about what I’m learning. What I’m learning is interesting enough, but it’s not like I want to make it my life’s work. Social variation in English or the how’s and why’s of language acquisition are not something I want to pursue.
It’s strange. I never really used to feel this way when I was in secondary school, or junior college. All I knew then was that I had to work hard – that I wanted to work hard – so I could prove that I wasn’t worthless. Everyone says I have to go to uni, get a well-paying job with good perks and promotion, and all my hard work at O’ and A’ levels will be worth it.
But right now, the problem sets in. I don’t even know what I want to be after I graduate (it used to be ‘in the future’, but now that the future is so close, it seems more apt to use ‘after I graduate’ instead). What do I like? What do I want in life? What is the point of life? A fat, regular paycheck? Bags? Cars? Shoes?
It’s enough to make my head explode, thinking about all this. I’ve said before that sometimes I don’t know what I’m doing in uni, and when I said it at the primary 6 barbeque last Saturday, they laughed, thinking I was joking. But I was more serious than they probably thought I was. Mr Chan assured me that I’ll find a job that suits me, that I’ll like, but right now I’m not feeling too optimistic.
Gosh, life is a bitch. Oh well. At least I have someone who understands how I feel. Kisses, Ger!
And thank goodness for small comforts: