9 Ways to Put Off Writing Your Novel

1. One word: Tumblr

2. Actually, make that another word: Pinterest

3. Consider new ways of complimenting someone

The Surrealist Compliment Generator, man. It says the strangest, loveliest things. Go on, try it. Here are some of my favourites: 

If you were a camel your humps would be esoterically bald from overuse. 

Your soul contains all that is found in insects, pigs and vermin.

Your nasal linings will last as long as the skin of rocks, thrust enigmatically upon a distant shorline of mating beetles. 

I find your eye sockets to be a wondrous amusement park of neo-plastic pleasures and oncogenic delights.

Seven donkeys and a concubine cannot compare with the tarnished sheen left in your path of combustion. 

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Can you tell I’ve refreshed it many times. Ha!

4. Fangirl over other people’s writing

from Stay, by Deb Caletti
from The Night Circus, by Erin Morgenstern

5. Clean your room

Because I’m a neat freak that way. Not because I’m trying to procrastinate. Definitely not.

6. Look for new music on Spotify and 8tracks

What? I’m making a playlist. FOR THE NOVEL, OF COURSE.

7. Read terrifying reviews on Goodreads

I go in there to look for book recommendations, only to end up reading snarky reviews that are equal parts mean (imagine if you were the writer!) and hilarious.

It’s enough to make you swear off putting your work out there ever again.

8. Write a blog post on how to procrastinate

9. And hello, Boxing Day sales!

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Really, who can resist? At the very least, it helps to take my mind off the fact that another year has come and gone and I still haven’t achieved shit.

Happy holidays, everyone!